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I get asked out on lots of dates (ok, so humor me).

have tried online dating, a number that accounts for two in five single American adults. adults view “online dating as a good way to meet new people.” These services have proved to be lucrative businesses too, with the online dating and dating app market bringing in more than billion in revenue in 2013.

They offer everything from the mainstream, game-like interface of Tinder to the niche community for farmers and ranchers found on Farmers Only.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No If “No”, explain: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Number of years they have been married ______________________________If less than your age, explain________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________A. (you might watch your back)To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely considered, start studying If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you? If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:______________________________________________________________C.

Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received! )_______________________________ ________________________________Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature_______________________________ ________________________________Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman In the boxes below, please provide Finger Prints, inked in your own blood for Homeland Security Identity Checking and DNA sampling: Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.

: I’m not very attractive I’m cute I’m cute enough for you, assface I’m hot If you like morbidly obese, cross-eyed fat girls, you’ll LOVE me I’m a butter face I’m a Chicago girl (it means you have a hot face and a fat ass…and don’t email me pissed about this. : I can read enough to answer this I’m average I’m smart enough to get your stupid jokes I’m a fucking genius I can bend things with my mind I’m dumber than week-old bat shit Who are you to question the intelligence of anyone else? I like to use lots of exclamation points in my emails!!!! : I’m about average I’m pretty sane, but have some minor insecurities and peculiarities, just like everyone I’m very emotionally stable I am a rock I’m loonier than a shit-house rat I claw at my eyes, trying to get the demons out The doctor says he can’t increase my prescriptions anymore or he’d get in trouble Sometimes, the restraints chafe my wrists. I wonder how much money she cost him.” “She’s just a cheap hooker.

You don’t think that 80% of cute women in Chicago fit this description? I wonder how much smack she cost him.” “Should have been a blow job.” “Her shade of lipstick looks like the color you’d find at the base of a penis.” “Look at her…did she just get released from a methadone clinic?

No, seriously, I really do want to ask you out I don’t want to go on a date with you, but I do want to buy you lots drinks and watch the train wreck develop I’m putting in fake info to fuck with you I’m horribly desperate for anything male, and you fit the bill This is the final stage in a destructive spiral of self-loathing and despair It’s either this or jail time This is helping me stop masturbating so much I hate your fucking guts “It says ‘I choo-choo-choose you,’ and it has a picture of a train.” Why do you think you want to go out on a date with me? ” What is it that you find most attractive about me? He tells me to burn things.” What is your most defining feature or characteristic?

You seem interesting I think you’d be fun to get drunk with I want to end up in one of your stories or future books I feel strangely attracted to you I hate myself I’m one of those people who can’t divert their eyes from accident scenes, and you have that same effect on me I think your caustic and sarcastic exterior belies a sweet and caring inner self I want to give my VD to someone else before I die No, really, I enjoy having guys use me and treat me like shit “Which one is oral?

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Astrology Advice You're tired of hitting the bar scene and too old for the clubs, so you decide to check out some dating websites.

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lol I will ask this if someone doesn't say much about herself in her profile. I know that more than once email conversations have stopped simply because I stopped asking questions...despite the fact that he messaged me first! *shrug*When I ask this, it's because someone messaged me and they have little or no information in their profile.

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